10 Things I Refuse to Do as a Working Mother

10 Things I Refuse to Do as a Working Mother As a working mother, I am constantly creating lists and spreadsheets for all my household and workplace tasks. And even though myType-A personalityfinds major fulfillment in creating and completing these lists, I often feel overwhelmed by all the things I am supposed to do. So in addition to my evil-but-necessary to-do lists, I started writing myself a to-dont list, a checklist of sorts to give myself a mental break from my crazy, demanding life.1. Use Pinterest to plan my childrens parties.I extend this to anything involving kids or meals. Pinterest has a sneaky and evil way of passing off posed and professional pictures as homemade crafts and I, for one, am tired of assuming that I have the patience or creative capability to fit these timesucks into my already-packed schedule, and my child will think her birthday welches a failure all because I didnt (poorly) make unicorn centerpieces out of balloons and construction paper.2. Compare mys elf tomothers who stay home.Ah, the fundamental basis of any working mothers anxietythe comparison between herself and the stay-at-home mother who conforms to societys expectations. Its difficult to ignore the guilt I feel when I landsee my SAHM friends post about their Thursday morning visit to the zoo, but my self-reproach quickly disappears when I recall all the awesomeperks of being a working mother.3. Compare myself to other working moms.This one is harder than the previous, mainly because this comparison is more apples to apples. Sure, its easy to justify Suzy Homemakers amazing cupcakes because she is home all week, but how the heck is Polly Professional doing it? Instead of racking my brain trying to figure out what Im doing wrong, I try to remember that everyone has their own order of priorities, and whats lower on my list might be higher on hers. Her need for homemade cupcakes is likely the equivalent of my need for binge-watchingThe Office.4.Apologize for leaving work at 5 p.m.When I first became a mother, I had so much anxiety about leaving the office promptly at 5 p.m. in order to pick up my daughter from daycare. What would my bosses think? Are my childless colleagues pissed at me? Five years later, Im much more aware of the fact that its quality and not quantity that matters, and I work hard to make sure my eight hurs at my desk are just that.5. Pay attention to stories about daycare tragedies.You know what I love to hear immediately after I tell someone mykids are in daycare? A story about a child who was poisoned/abused/killed/eaten alive while under the supervision of a daycare facility. Those cases, while extremely terrible and heartbreaking, are a) a very, very small percentage of the total number of children enrolled in daycare, b) usually occurring in unlicensed facilities, and c) often tragedies that have also occurred under a parent or family members care as well. At first, I would really internalize these stories, but after so many won derful years at my fully licensed and reputable daycare, Ive learned to respond the same way I do when I hear a about a plane crash. I feel and express sincere grief at the tragedy but recognize that it in no way ensures the same fate for me.6. Defend my decision to work.I love what I do, where I do it and all the reasons why I do it. If you mucksmuschenstill want to question me on my decision to be a working mother, you canread this.7. Feel guilty for takingmaternity leave.Prior to and during the 12 weeks I was out following my first daughters birth, I felt very anxious about how my absence would be perceived in the office. Was I a terrible employee for taking an extended period of time off from work and for getting fully paid for a portion of it? Fortunately for me, my wonderful bosses and coworkers not only sent me and baby off with well wishes and a super generous gift card but also absorbed my work, kept me off emails during my leave, and gave me the warmest welcome when I retu rned. As many of them were also parents, they understood that maternity leave was much needed following the introduction of a new child and was definitely not a vacation.8. Worry about missing firsts and milestones.If a child crawls for the first time and the mother isnt around to see it, did the child crawl? Maybe thats not quite how the original philosophical question was posed, but it certainly should have been. I dont care how many times my daughter waves bye-bye at her daycare teachers, grandparents or even her own father she doesnt do anything for the first time untilIam there to witness it. Why? Because Im the mother and I said so.9. Feel embarrassed about pumping at work.My bosses and colleagues are completely understanding with my pumping sessions, but breastfeeding and pumping are uncomfortable topics in many workplaces across the U.S. I really dont know why I am a woman. I have breasts. My breasts were created for the biological purpose of nourishing a child. I work. I ca nt be with my child all day. I pump in privacy. No one is forcing you to watch. If this seemingly simple logic still freaks you out, its your problem, not mine. The end.10. Beat myself up for not being the perfect mom.Growing up, I had this vision of my life as a Stepford Mom. Id have a sparkling clean house, where Id serve my family a hot, healthy and homemade meal every night promptly at 6 p.m. My well-behaved children would happily eat the one dish the whole family was having and then quietly play with their educational toys. Then, real (working mom) life hit, and pancakes are dinner, YouTube Kids is the babysitter, and Dust is a fifth entity living in our house. I used to feel ashamed about my imperfect life, but now I realize that the flaws and messiness make it real and wonderful.Nicole Beniamini lives in New Jersey with her husband and daughters. She is a Vice President atEdison Research, where she is also part ofThe Research Moms, a team of experienced market researchers, wh o also happen to be moms.This article originally appeared on Working Mother.WorkingMotheris mentor, role model and advocate for the countrys more than 17 million moms who are devoted to their families and committed to their careers. Through our website,magazine, research, radio and powerful events,WorkingMotherprovides its readers with the community, solutions and strategies they need to thrive.

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